I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize