i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
