hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
