and you said cock pushups were impossible
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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