Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
