either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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