I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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