yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize