Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I just shit out all my problems.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
