A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
