yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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