I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize