just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
