He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
