the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
