Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize