Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
