We won't sleep together?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
