a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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