Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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