absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
