He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
vagina is talking i cant
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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