This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
