I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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