Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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