: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
