Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I currently don't understand fingers.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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