Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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