you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize