Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
