Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
