Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
