I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
