can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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