Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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