Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
