apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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