3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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