Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
