Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
