Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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