I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
