Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
