Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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