I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
