even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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