Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
