I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He had one of those small greek statue penises
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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