:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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