Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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