hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize