I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
