Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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