so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
