I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
