I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
