I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
