I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize