Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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