I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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