We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize