Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
