Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
