I think my vagina is haunted
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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