ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize