i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
