i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
