come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
