So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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