nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Still dying that you shit outside
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
