Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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