So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Randomize
