I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
