Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I deserve this hangover.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
