But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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