forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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