She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
