I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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