he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize