She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
