she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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