Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
