Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
If I die, sorry about rent.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
