I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
