I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Randomize
