She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My ass is underappreciated
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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