oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I forget how to act sober
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
