Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
