I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You had me at "let me see your balls"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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