Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
