Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
