Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Floor bacon is actually really good
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
