How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
its not stalking. its research.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
