he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
