Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
