If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
