I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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