I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
