I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
