honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
