Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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