If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
